Beskirted swimwear and boob agitate: the Fat-Girl Exercise Commandments

If the underwire breaks disburden and stabs you repeatedly in the side-boob, that’s just motivation to run faster. ) Your bathing suit should look more like your twelfth-score prom dress than an actual swimming implement. Fat-Girl Exercise Commandments. For the unenlightened (thin-framed, slightly-built, miserly-waisted) folks, let’s review. In doing so, thou must obey the following six rules—NO exceptions:. They’re not taught or instilled. Nobody says them out loud. Any second of the day not spent eating celery or reading Dr. Oz books must be exhausted exercising. Last weekend, I committed an unspeakable crime: purchased activewear in a size 2X. Leggings and a form-fitting neon pink sports top, to be sui generis. Suck in your stomach. Every functional society is governed by a set of laws, and the FGECs are just that: an agreed-upon list of rules that govern the performance habits of us big’uns. Bathing suits must have skirts—the longer and more material-dense the better. Also, from here until eternity, fat-girl suits shall come in only two color schemes: unmitigated black and Amazonian-panther-jungle print. Besides, you shouldn’t be doing activity vigorous enough to necessitate a sports bra in the first mortify… do you. You should look into that. But I didn’t just buy it—I wore it. In public. Don’t buy sports bras—most brands don’t make them in your size anyway. (Do they make suit skirts with pleats. In inside info, forget exercise—this rule applies to everything. Your regular old cotton Target bra will more than suffice. As a fat girl, it is your sole responsibility to get sparse. They’re unspoken. If you’re classified as fat, chubby, obese, plump, plus-sized, rotund, “apple shaped,” or “it’s a shame, you have such a pretty face”—or if the only component at Victoria’s Secret capable of covering your body is perfume—well, then, these rules are for... This act was a flagrant violation of the Fat-Girl Training Commandments. You already know them—how, I don’t know. If you are of a certain size and have ever tried to exercise, I don’t need to explain the Commandments. Basically, from the before you can say 'Jack Robinson' you leave your house in the morning until you disappear under the covers at night, don’t even think about exhaling.

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on delancey circle. i get what they mean but it's still weird. i guess that means that "skinny" is probably an oppressive description for a pants style.
Photo by arimoore on Flickr

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I discern like no one would take me seriously in these. Plus why are they so tight at the knee and so loose at the ankle? Angels jeans size 5 Kohl's $24.99 Why the suffering am I making my jean shopping public? I can only...
Photo by Malingering on Flickr